Friday, October 4, 2013

Super Powerful Writing Tips

Many of you are probably wondering how you can go about transforming yourselves into super powerful writers such as me. This is where I take off my author hat and put on my self-help guru hat.  Super powerful writing doesn't just happen.  Focus, effort, sweat, and maybe some rich, dark chocolate for, you know, it's health benefits are just some of what you need. So, below are some tricks of the trade that I offer for free because I don't have a Paypal link to charge $99.95 like I aught to do.  And since I'm offering it for free, if these tips don't work for you--too bad! You won't get a refund.  Wait!  I forgot the first rule of self-help--stay away from negativity.  Hmm...I didn't mean to sound so negative.  I guess I better put my future self-help book, Winning for Losers Like You, on hold.  Way too negative.

If these tips sound negative and harsh, let me spin it, I mean, it is only because to get positive results you must get rid of negativity.  Don't you just love self-help bullcrap?  No matter what I say, I can make it a positive thing.  As promised, here are Author David Lichty's Super Powerful writing tips:

  • Pretend time doesn't apply to you.  That way you can write for hours while justifying your total neglect of chores, shaving, showering, eating, sleeping, budgeting, children (just stick 'em in front of a TV or tablet in the back bedroom), etc.  If you have the will power, maybe put off urination as long as you can.  Adult undergarments/diapers might help.  Now, for Number 2, you could just rely on the diapers as previously mentioned, but it may get uncomfortable and that smell, too, avoid eating anything with fiber, drink little or no water, and just put off defecation until you become constipated. 
  • Stay Healthy with Proper Diet and Exercise.  Take the time to eat good food rich in protein, insoluble and soluble fiber, vitamins, and reduce fat and sugar intake.  Yes, salt/sodium, too.  Drink plenty of water and do the exercise that gets your heart rate going.  I know, you're saying, "But, Dave, you just said not to take the time to do this in the first tip."  And I say, "Contradiction is good for you.  I'm the pretend self-help guru here."
  • Coffee Up!  It can't just be the caffeine.  Bold rich flavor has to cue our brains that its favorite daytime jolt is on the way!
  • Twitter time!  You got a Facebook page and a blog.  You even said, "Oh, what the heck, Google + won't hurt."  Whoopee!  You ain't nothing unless you're on Twitter.  And, what's great is everyone is living in different time zones, so good luck if people you talk to are on it the same time you are.  But, you can do Twitter because remember...time doesn't apply to you.
Well, there you have it.  Now, you too can kick your writing up to the Super Powerful level.  I even figured out a new title to my self-help book, Winning: A Loser's Guide for People Like You.  Well, have a fantastic weekend and be good to yourselves (and not just in the way I describe in Tip 3).

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